oct17

Just a typical entry. Inside on a sunny Friday.

Man's Search for Meaning

As a symptom (or perhaps treatment) of my recent spell of downtrodedness, I recently read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

Amongst other ideas, the quote that stuck out the most to me was:

Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now

I think I've understood this for quite a while now, but it's nice to see it formalized. At every moment of your life, you have a capacity to do almost anything. It's a result of the free will we've been bestowed, yet at the same time, it's very daunting. Once you realize you can do almost anything you want, you can no longer equip yourself with ignorance or incompetence, every shortcoming becomes a result of you alone.

Throughout the book, he emphasizes a person's responsibility to find meaning in their life. Frankl argues that with free will comes a strong responsibility to construct your life the way you wish to construct it.

I think the biblical story of Elijah lends itself to this story. I do believe in predestination, but I find it important to understand that the greatest tool that God has equipped humans with is free will.

My recent poor spell of health

Over the last 6 weeks, I've oscillated between severe and mild malaise. I've felt like shit in both body and spirit. I had woken up in the middle of the night yesterday and noticed that my throat no longer ached as it had for the past few weeks. It felt nice. I woke up to find that my right eye had effectively swollen shut.

After getting a few comments about it at work, I decided it best to take myself to urgent care. They swabbed me and prescribed me the typical diet of antibiotics. It's worse today, but I'm confident tomorrow will be better.

I can't really recall the last time I've been this consistely sick, ever. It leads me to believe that it's a side effect of the recent heartbreak and lovesickness I've experienced for the first time.

A learning for my next breakup: When people tell you to take care of yourself, your physical health should be your top priority.

Writing a New Character into Existence

There's something very tangible about writing down your thoughts on something permanent (at least semi-permanent). Not only is it useful to reflect, but it's useful in paper trailing your future self into existence. At least that's my understanding. Still unsure on it's effectiveness